Brenda Rodgers

My Decision to Quit {Get Off the Ferris Wheel} – Again

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Brenda Rodgers

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I felt like I was on a ferris wheel that never stopped going around and around and around. 

Or like the famous movie quote that my husband likes to say to me a lot, “Look, kids, there’s Big Ben!” 

Or even more embarrassingly like that disgusting Proverb, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness” (Proverbs 26:11).

By the middle of my third year I knew something was wrong.  I knew it wasn’t for me.  It was like fine grit sandpaper beginning to slowly rub against my soul.

But I used to design my classroom in my mind when I was a little girl.  I used to collect old textbooks that my teachers were throwing away so that I could teach my dolls everything I was learning.  Wasn’t that sure enough of a sign?  Wasn’t that God showing me what He meant for me to do?

I got off the ferris wheel once before.  It was fun.  It was exciting.  Getting on planes every week flying all over the country teaching adults instead of kids.

Except that the sandpaper didn’t go away. It still rubbed against my soul – the fine grit replaced with a medium grit.  What I wanted I could not have yet.  What my soul truly desires what not mine to have. 

In desperation I returned to my vomit, and the cycle started over again.  The sandpaper rubbed harder and deeper, now with a course grit that after twelve years was leaving a mark, a hole, on my soul.  The person God intended me to be I was not.  I was bitter, angry, resentful.  I saw the world for all of its ugliness instead of all its blessings.  I did not even recognize myself in the mirror.

So recently He told me it was time to get off the ferris wheel. 

But . . . but . . . but . . .

I still don’t know!  What did you design me to do?  I have two degrees in education!  What about my husband?  What if he doesn’t support me?  What if I can’t do it?  What if I fail? What if I get back on?

Just get off.  That’s all you have to do.  I am telling you it is time to get off.  Let me take care of the rest.  Are you going to trust me?

So I got off the ferris wheel.

Just last night someone asked me, “So why did you resign?”

I still don’t know how to answer that question.  It is so complex.  But what it comes down to is that God told me to get off the ferris wheel, and I am trusting Him.

Comments

8 responses to “My Decision to Quit {Get Off the Ferris Wheel} – Again”

  1. Betty Avatar
    Betty

    oh my did this post hit home….we have been on several ferris wheels in our lifetime. each one gave us a different view of life, a few took our breath away from excitment, some scared us to death, some were fun to ride, some we wanted off quickly after getting on but each one took an element of trust to get on and off of. but this one we have been on for quite some time and we understand how it function so it feel safe except but there is as you say sandpaper rubing against our soul, God is telling us time to get off, take a risk. tons of unanswered questions, at times we sense some excitment like all new adventures will bring. where ever the ferris wheel is located it will broaden our world view again, change our prespective…and deepen our faith in the maker of the ferris wheel. happy riding

    Reply
  2. fabulosokids Avatar
    fabulosokids

    Don't worry about scars from the sandpaper. You'll be amazed at how quickly your soul heals once you're on your true path.

    Reply
  3. Luana Avatar
    Luana

    I can very much relate to how you feel and what you're going through. I went through this similar "faith stretching" experience earlier this year. I can honestly say, you won't be disappointed in what ever it is God has in store. He will still use the knowledge, wisdom & experience you have gained having your degrees.. God never wastes anything. Be encouraged, I know that's hard to swallow right now.. but really be encouraged and excited for what God has in store! You're out of your comfort zone and have stepped into the faith zone, though scary.. He will not let you fall. I'm looking forward to reading about some amazing doors He's going to open for you!

    Be blessed

    Reply
  4. Luana Avatar
    Luana

    Oh, PS I'm a new follower! lol.. forgot to add that in.
    http://lfukumoto.blogspot.com.

    Reply
  5. Brenda Avatar
    Brenda

    Glad you were able to get off! Ferris Wheels always make me nauseous…so I always think its good to have you feet planted firmly, and if you are listening to God, that is exactly where you need to be!

    Reply
  6. Brooke Avatar
    Brooke

    This is a beautiful post! I really relate with that feeling of knowing something just doesn't feel right, but yet still not knowing what God wants you to be doing.
    By the way, I love your blog-you have a lot of wonderfulu posts on here!

    Reply
  7. Brenda Avatar
    Brenda

    Thank you so much for all of your encouragement! It feels better knowing that others have felt the same way! It is definitely exciting anticipating what God has planned next! 🙂

    Reply
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    […] think the first time I really wrote about it was when I announced that I was getting off of the ferris wheel.  The ferris wheel started two years after I graduated college, and believe it or not I did […]

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